Redefining Aging:

Foreword, by J. Raymond DePaulo, Jr.
Preface
Acknowledgments
1. The Challenge
A Blessing or a Burden?
Caregiving
Whether Spouse or Parent—Feelings of Loss or Resentment
The Perils of ""John Henryism""
Having the Strength and Wisdom to Seek and Accept Support
Anxiety about Our Own Aging
2. On Both Sides, Vulnerability and Loss
Caring for a Spouse
Loving the Changed Spouse
Caring for a Parent
Blessings, Sorrows, and Axes to Grind
A Word of Caution
Seeing the Big Picture
Mixed Lessons from Our Elders on Growing Old
Few Regrets
""Tuning Up"" for Old Age
""Happiness Is a Choice""
Drawing Strength from Nature's Beauty
3. Is This Normal Aging or Dementia?
Normal Aging
Cherry Marquez
Major Confusion and Behavioral Change
Harry's Story
Bella
The Importance of Planning Ahead before It's Too Late
Some Additional Red Flags
Optimal Aging
You Can Be Realistic and Optimistic
4. Aging as Successfully as Possible—Both You and Your Loved One
The Four Ages of Life
When Old Age Is in the Eye of the Beholder
The Importance of Rejecting Ageism
Learning from the Masters
Downing Kay: Born in 1907, Still Aging Well
""Growing and Learning All the Time""
You Can Reduce Your Risk Factors for Dementia
Caregiver Self-Care
The Importance of Sleep and Social Activities
You Can Improve Your Loved One's Quality of Life
The Quality of Your Life Matters, Too
5. Anger, Guilt, and Resentment
John's Story
Naomi's Story
Sophia's Story
Susan's Story
To Reduce Feelings of Resentment, Budget Your ""Emotional Hospitality""
6. Caregiver Stress—What Helps and What Usually Doesn't
The Stress of Caring for a Family Member with Mild Cognitive Impairments
Dealing with a Difficult, Dependent Person
Lillian's Dad
Janet, Daniel, and Myra's Mother
Honoring Our Parents
Most People Can't Afford Paid Help
The ABCs of Effective Caregiving Interactions
Intensive Caregivers
Take Advantage of the Many Available Resources
What to Say When Others Offer to Help or Would Help If You Asked
Just Don't Wait Until You're Burned Out
7. Comforting Insights and Myth-Busting Knowledge
Myth #1
Myth #2
Myth #3
Myth #4
8. You're Not a Bad Person Because You're Exhausted or Just Need a Life of Your Own
Cindy's Challenge
Michelle Carter
A Final Thought
9. Truly Helpful Caregiving Tips
When Your Family Member or Friend Is Newly Diagnosed
Creative Interventions for Handling Hallucinations, Imaginings, and Paranoia
Yes, There Can Be Too Much of a Good Thing
Avoiding the ""Catastrophic"" Situation
""Feeling Overwhelmed Isn't Surprising, Being Surprised about It Is""
10. When Your Loved One Dies—Relief, Grief, and Moving Forward
Joyce and Her Mom
Joanne and Her Husband
Anticipatory Mourning and Feelings of Relief
Sam and His Wife
Joanne and Sam
11. What Kind of an ""Old Person"" Will I /Will You Become?
Facing Our Worst Fears
""Stereotype Threat""
Aging Successfully
Making Choices
Adapting to Change
There Are Many Ways to ""Retire""—Be Sure to Choose the Right One for You
A ""Convoy"" of Supportive People
12. Making Life Easier for Those Who Someday Will Take Care of You
""Habits of a Lifetime""
My Neighbor
Attention Family Members: Most Folks Don't Get Dementia!
If Help Is Needed—at Home or in a Facility—Here's What Your Loved Ones Need to Know
""Be Like the Sun""
Gerald: Still Thriving but Planning Ahead
Protecting Our Loved Ones and Helping Them Protect Us
The Documents You Need and Where to Keep Them
Long-Term Care Insurance
Bruce: Affirming Life, Planning Ahead
The Gift to Our Loved Ones of Living an Active Life
A Meaningful Life
The Many Rewards of Caregiving
Epilogue
Appendixes
A. Helpful Books and Videos
B. Additional Resources
C. Legal and Financial Resource Guide
Notes
Index